Masturbating My Way To A Full Blown Panic Attack

I don't suffer from regular anxiety or panic attacks, the last time I actually had a panic attack was 10 years ago during an extremely stressful time in my life, but that didn't stop me from having a full blown panic attack recently.

Now when I say I had a full blown panic attack I mean it literally, my heart was racing, I was sweating bullets, dry heaving that turned into vomiting, trembling, a thousand thoughts running through my head, bawling my eyes out, snot dripping from my nose, praying to God, full blown panic attack!

So what caused this total breakdown you ask? Masturbation
Yes I said masturbation.

I was masturbating by putting pressure on my clitoris when I felt a sudden pop and next thing you know I am in the middle of a total mental breakdown, full blown panic attack, because I somehow got it in my head that I had broken my clitoris and was now going to be unable to please my husband sexually.

During my masturbation I felt a pop in my clitoral area and that caused me to literally freak out. Suddenly I was convinced that I broke my clit, I couldn't feel it erect anymore and I imagined it like a man's testicles, capable of traveling upwards into my abdomen and being lost forever.

Now I know for a fact, that is it not possible for a clitoris to detach and float away, IF it were to break it would need a ton of force and I would be in extreme pain. But that didn't stop me from freaking the fuck out.

I honestly don't know why I freaked out the way I did, I have felt a pop in my clit several times over the years, I've sought out the help of experts in sexual education while researching a  variety of things for articles I wrote and I studied sexual anatomy, I know better but I still freaked out.

I was curled up in the fetal position, crying like a baby, dry heaving and praying to God for help because in my mind I was broken, I wouldn't be able to satisfy my husband sexually any longer and my clit was floating upwards in my abdomen, never to be seen again.
I didn't take into consideration the fact that I was not in any pain or the fact that I knew better, all logical thought completely vanished from my brain.

This of course led to actual vomiting, trembling and my heart racing like crazy. Still praying I started pushing on my abdomen, in some weird top to bottom motion, thinking that I could somehow push my clit back into place the same way a guy would when his testicles ride up. Then my crazy ass remembered that during soccer games, guys are lifted then dropped to the ground to keep their testicles from going into their abdomens, so there I was, tears streaming down my face, vomit bucket in hand, bouncing up and down attempting to get my clit back down into its proper place.

It took three whole hours to calm myself down, get my brain functioning and convince myself that I was just having a panic attack. I don't have panic attacks or anxiety, I usually have nerves of steel, so to suddenly have a full blown break down was causing me to freak out even more.

I told my husband of my mental breakdown during his lunch break an he of course laughed at me, told me I was weak and joked about not coming home after work. I know that he sounds cold and mean but he knew exactly what I needed to hear and he was what finally got me 100% calmed down. I didn't need someone to hold my hand or tell me nice things, I needed a certain coldness and to hear that I was being weak in order for me to be able to get back to my usual self.

I knew I sounded crazy while I was explaining to my husband just how crazy I was acting and how I was having a full blown breakdown. I knew that he would be shaking his head and that he would tell me that I was being weak and that is exactly what I needed. I needed him to be cold so that I could hear myself explain what happened and pick myself back up.

I have no understanding of how I could suddenly have a mental breakdown while masturbating, I'm not even going to try to figure out why or how this happened. I am chalking this up to post period psychosis. I have been pretty sick with the flu and had just had my period so I came to the conclusion that I am just crazy lol.

The flu has been in my home since Christmas, it has moved in, it's a part of our lives now, it's never leaving. I figure that the stress from the holidays, combined with being mentally and physically drained from taking care of everyone along with being ill myself and being sensitive from hormones all together just put me over the edge.

I would have had this breakdown one way or another, it is inevitable, so I'm happy that it happened in such a hilarious way and I'm extremely happy that it happened while I was home alone. I can only imagine what it would be like having a panic attack in front of my children or my husband. It was bad enough having a panic attack in front of my dog, looking at me like I'm crazy and very confused about why I'm crying while puking and trying to pet her. She stayed within eyesight and gave me a quick kiss but she kept far enough distance away that if I wanted to pet her I would have to get up and move towards her.

Since I don't have panic attacks often I don't know if it is normal to laugh hysterically at one's own craziness but that is how my story ends. I am laughing at how crazy my life is and how only I could have a mental breakdown while masturbating because it's just too weird for it to not be my life lol

Do you have any crazy mental breakdown stories you'd like to tell me? Share your stories in the comments and let me know I'm not the only crazy person on this planet.